(memories)

i want to f*n remember

WHY CANT I JUST REMEMBER?!?!?!

why do i feel hands, but not see them?

why do i have fear and pain and anger

____________BUT NOT KNOW THE DEEPEST CAUSE?!?!________________

i just want to scream.... but i guess ill have to settle for this present moment.

caught in between reality and glimpses of you...

::dear untold universe, and hole inside my heart ::

i dont know what to say to you

that would bring comfort.

there is so much pain, and simply no way of showing it.

hurting myself in the many forms i do is not helping.

but what can? ....

also, wondering if someone out there can invent a plug for these tears.

im sick of drowning in them every night.

i feel like the bible, when david complains about his tear drenched sheets....

((but God : wheres my rescue?))

shelter me from this, guess thats not happening.

people. leave.
people. fail.
people. hurt.
people. "care".

why do mine get taken away...?

something taps into this deep reservoir of pain, and for an instant, everything is so simple.

stop breathing.

but i know that wont help. or at least wont help the greatest number of people.
i cant do it. cant pull the trigger. not like id use a gun... but i hate hurting others.

but would they care?

dear hole inside my heart, we need better stitches, stronger band-aids, a more believable cure.

dear emptiness out there, please give me a break. i can only tread water for so long.....

"post-secret"

im too tired to journal. but i guess ill write on here...

practically no one cares or reads this anyways.
i did it again.
imagine... the irony of it all.
but no one really knows.
a few do, but they would be so ashamed,
____________ at least I would ______________

it hurts me to think how stupid im being.
and how i really dont give a damn....

i feel (so alone)

but they dont know

or i cant convince them its really how i feel.....

i want to stop... before it gets (worse)

help me....

maybe one day i could say this....

thoughts of failure. (or just the everyday.)

wish i could focus .... and accomplish something.
anything actually. ...... cant even function really.

good thing my ___ knows i usually fail things
grades, people, my word, its sorta expected.
so when the pain has caused my failing grades
and the depression has cut into my mind
i feel like, what really is the surprise?
i mean, they gave me prescriptions.
just to tailor-suit my mind to numbing ideas of what
a human robot should look like.
basically forced to spend money to focus in something you are forced to do anyways.

hmm so much for thoughts of the day...
this post isnt the greatest, most inspiring, or rhyming.
but im at ____ listening to sum 41 "pieces".
remembering how im not perfect.
and completely far from it.

does this cycle of failure ever end....
or are vicious circles of death for the weak and worthless....
just like me.

i know i know.. emo much ? get over it, move on, pray or something.

but i guess these are my thoughts... and its my blog. emo or not. i have an exam tomorrow, and like usual i probably wont do so hot.

because once again..

(i feel so completely empty broken & alone)